Full Circle by Andrea Barber

Author:Andrea Barber
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Citadel Press
Published: 2019-10-02T16:00:00+00:00

I often seem to reach a point where my resentment of the side effects becomes greater than the benefits of the drug. I feel capable, but not necessarily happy. I feel fat. I feel at a loss. Most of all, I feel like I want to take back control of my body. But I’m still left with that lingering, perpetual question mark. Can I manage it on my own? Should I manage it on my own? Can I be happy without the assistance of a pill?

I ask myself these questions more often than I care to admit.

My knowledge and feelings about anxiety, medication, and coping strategies are always evolving, as I’m always learning new things. But I think, after more than a decade of actively managing my anxiety and depression, this is my personal conclusion: Medication can and will save your life. But medication by itself is not a quick cure-all. I cannot rely solely on medication to manage a mental illness.

Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication are wonderful things. They can get you out of deep, dark ruts, and they can save your life. I am grateful for these medications that pulled me out of a slump that I couldn’t get out of myself. For me personally, it was the combination of medicine and those lifestyle changes that turned my life around. Educating myself about anxiety and depression was the first step. Changing my diet and sleep patterns was the next. And incorporating running into my everyday life became the clincher. The running has become my most powerful antidote to anxiety. The medications made me feel less—less sad, less depressed. But the running made me feel more—more resilient, stronger, happier.

My therapist used the analogy of a diabetic: A diabetic must take insulin every day in order to stay healthy. They don’t just take insulin when they remember or when they’re having a bad day. Diabetes, and the management of it, is a lifestyle. So are anxiety and depression. If I want to fight it and remain healthy, I have to incorporate all of my strategies—medication, running, proper nutrition, meditation—into my everyday life. Even when I’m too busy or don’t want to. It’s not optional, it’s a lifestyle.

It’s actually very empowering to think about: I have the power to change my life. The medication can and did help. But I’m the one who sat in the driver’s seat and took control of my life, one (literal) step at a time.

One of my favorite running shirts (created by my friend and fellow runner, Dorothy Beal) displays the motto: I RUN THIS BODY. At first glance, it might appear rather vain and braggy. But the double meaning is what makes me love this shirt. It’s about taking control. I run this body. Not a diagnosis. Not a pill. Not shame. Me.

There is no antibiotic for anxiety; it is a mental illness. It will always be a part of me, but it will not always rule me. I’ve taken the power back.

I’ll always have bad days and slumps and periods of struggle.

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